18/08/2024

Turns out I am not that of a good writer when it comes to journaling. That's probably why I stick to poetries. Anyways, I went to protests this month. I saw people getting shot with rubber bullets but I am not sure if I can write about it and do it any justice. I almost got hit with tear shells but escaped. Another person got hit with it however. I hope she’s fine now. I had my mother with me and we were hiding from polices for quite a bit. The first day I joined was apparently the worst day in my city. I went again next day. If anything, I have realized, I don't really freak out when things happen. I just think of what to do next. Almost as if I am a badly written character. Well, I am okay now and things have calmed down. There are no more big protests and the police brutality has stopped. In all honesty, my experience is much tamer than what a lot of my friends and my own brother has faced. I wonder if it’s fine when I write about it instead of them. So, due to personal "moral ideals", I won't.
Bullet points for what I have done from the past month in no order:

      
  1. Listened to radio when there was no internet as I do not have a satellite TV.
    2.   
  2. Did graffiti and vandalized properties (as a part of protest against fascism. But I digress. Also wall art. But I guess that counts as a part of graffiti.)
    3.   
  3. Made new friends.
    4.   
  4. Stopped trying to sleep early because staying awake at night was safer for a while. Although, now I am trying to go back to normal schedule.
    5.   
  5. Called a person and yelled profanities at the top of my lungs in front of my Asian parents....
Well, there's more but bullet points are getting kind of boring to write.
My finals were postponed for a month but resumed today. I didn't do too bad, I will be honest. But it wasn't great either. I hope I will pass. I only studied for barely an hour and I don't regret it much. If I studied only a bit more, I could have done really well. The questions were easy. I have read them before. But I still couldn't solve them. What's the point in sulking about it now? I am already over it. It's kind of funny honestly, because I fought on the side of "merit over quota". And now that my life depends on a fucking Physics exam, I couldn't care less. I think I have stopped caring in general. I don't care about the pimple on my face and I didn't care about my lungs when I smoked for the first time a few weeks back to celebrate Independence. Turns out my friend who I couldn't find in the crowd that day did the same. All these sounds corny and immature when I actually write it down in this manner. But there's a moral somewhere.
What I mean to say is, experiences are weird. I smoked second-hand before I actually smoked because "smoking is bad for health". I "don't drink soda" and I strictly didn't since grade three so I don't become "obese" and for the "health of my teeth". But I overate since I didn't drink soda and brushed five to six times in grade five which ruined my enamels. I still "don't drink soda" but I take a sip sometimes now if the drink is a new kind. I still say "I don't drink soda". I didn't use to smoke but I took medicines for no reason sometimes. Last year, before a Chemistry exam on which my life literally depended on, I fell sick and took so many meds to feel better that I got drugged and stared at my question for a solid 10 to 15 minutes without understanding anything. I felt dizzy, weak and almost cried because I thought I would fail. Months later when I got my result, it turned out that I got second highest in Chemistry compared to my other subjects. Probably should have done it again today. The people of the place I took shelter in during protest saved me but I lied to them and said I didn't join to save all of us from being arrested. They probably suspected it though, especially his son who I also suspect had joined. Me and mom only got to meet the man because he was looking for his son on the streets. The boy goes to a very religious school but yelled profanities that even I don't say. Another funny thing is, another shop we took shelter in which we had to leave to not get raided by the police was also being used as a shelter by news channel journalists who lied and were against us. The son of the shop keeper was clearly getting paid to break police cars, against all of us. It was kind of funny how we were there, scared of dying in each of our own ways and yet all against each other. I said I wouldn't talk about the protest but I just had to.
....Fuck it. I can't think of any moral here. Thank you for reading, as always.